A Lesson in Self-Sabotage
Having set out to study for the MCAT, I have come to realize how truly remarkable it is that I have made it this far in my academic career, especially with such success. Seriously, I am the most lazy person I know.
The MCAT is a pretty important exam, apparently. It'll hopefully be my ticket to medical school, ideally any one of my choosing. You'd think that this FACT would be all the motivation I'd need to study. As it turns out, it's not. Not yet, at least. I am finding it impossible to get in more than six hours a day of hardcore studying. I am more easily distracted than I can remember, and I am failing to retain any substantial amount of information. It has been too long since school ended for me to try to convince myself that I'm still coming down from a high-stress semester. And yet... and yet...
I even have these huge fears that my inadequate preparation for the MCAT will have its repercussions resonate throughout the remainder of my life. Say I score embarassingly low on the MCAT. It's so low that I can't even apply to med schools with the faintest glimmer of hope. Sure, I could fork over more money and write it again, hopefully as soon as possible, but let's say my shattered confidence sends me into some downward spiral. That'll leave me with a summer spent studying for nothing, unemployed, money-less. I'll go back to school in September, not working towards another degree, hopefully employed. I can't even apply to med schools for another year. I wouldn't even get in for at least another two years. I might as well have gone for my Masters. Or PhD, even. Or found a permanent job. But no, now I'll just be hopeless, likely accruing debt, not knowing where my life is headed.
Sure, I'm young. I've got time, so "they" say. But really, do I? Shouldn't I use my youth to my advantage? Get a leg up? Stay ahead of the curve? I think I should. Or do I? I don't even know anymore. And that scares me.
Best case scenario: I get my act together, study amazingly hard for the next seven weeks, score ridiculously well on the MCAT, apply to med schools come the fall, and get accepted (somewhere) for entrance in the fall of 2008. It seems too good to be possible, at the moment.
I fear my chances of acceptance are also hindered by the fact that I have little to no volunteer experience to speak of. I hadn't decided on trying for med until about three months ago. Up until that point, I thought I was going to stay in school forever, get a Masters and PhD. So, unlike other med school applicants, I haven't been volunteering at hospitals and other various establishments to pad my application with "good-heartedness." Thus, I'm banking on my high marks both in school and on the MCAT to get me in. This is probably too wishful.
Again, you'd think all this would be motivation enough. But it's not. So what am I to do? I have seven weeks left, seven weeks that are likely more busy life-wise than the past three. Wedding, my birthday, convocation, concerts, soccer, frisbee, preparations for my trip to Ottawa.... it's daunting, to say the least. I need a kick in the pants, probably literally.
And all this hardcoreness that needs to occur will seriously hurt, possibly obliterate, my chances of finishing my summer reading list. I've completed ten percent of my list in approximately twenty-five percent of my summer. Pathetic.
Books Completed:
On Natural Selection - Charles Darwin
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone - J.K. Rowling (re-read, probably for the twelfth time)
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets - J.K. Rowling (re-read, also probably for the twelfth time)
Books to be Completed:
the remainder of the Harry Potter books (5) (all re-reads ranging from three to ten times, except the seventh, of course)
a famous "trilogy in five parts" - Douglas Adams (5) (all re-reads, for the second time)
A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket (13, but probably equates the two and a half, three books tops) *Don't judge me. I just want to see what it's all about.
Passions of the Mind - Irving Stone
The Alchemist - Paulo Coehlo
Life of Pi - Yann Martel (a re-read, for the fourth time)
1984 - George Orwell (a re-read, for the fourth time)
Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
Beatles Anthology (a partial re-read)
I like fiction. I can't seem to find a non-fiction subject that has really captured my interest to any great extent. I also like re-reading, apparently.
Anyway, I hardly need to point out that I shouldn't be blogging. It's only adding to my self-destructive plan, which is wholly unintentional yet highly inevitable.
The MCAT is a pretty important exam, apparently. It'll hopefully be my ticket to medical school, ideally any one of my choosing. You'd think that this FACT would be all the motivation I'd need to study. As it turns out, it's not. Not yet, at least. I am finding it impossible to get in more than six hours a day of hardcore studying. I am more easily distracted than I can remember, and I am failing to retain any substantial amount of information. It has been too long since school ended for me to try to convince myself that I'm still coming down from a high-stress semester. And yet... and yet...
I even have these huge fears that my inadequate preparation for the MCAT will have its repercussions resonate throughout the remainder of my life. Say I score embarassingly low on the MCAT. It's so low that I can't even apply to med schools with the faintest glimmer of hope. Sure, I could fork over more money and write it again, hopefully as soon as possible, but let's say my shattered confidence sends me into some downward spiral. That'll leave me with a summer spent studying for nothing, unemployed, money-less. I'll go back to school in September, not working towards another degree, hopefully employed. I can't even apply to med schools for another year. I wouldn't even get in for at least another two years. I might as well have gone for my Masters. Or PhD, even. Or found a permanent job. But no, now I'll just be hopeless, likely accruing debt, not knowing where my life is headed.
Sure, I'm young. I've got time, so "they" say. But really, do I? Shouldn't I use my youth to my advantage? Get a leg up? Stay ahead of the curve? I think I should. Or do I? I don't even know anymore. And that scares me.
Best case scenario: I get my act together, study amazingly hard for the next seven weeks, score ridiculously well on the MCAT, apply to med schools come the fall, and get accepted (somewhere) for entrance in the fall of 2008. It seems too good to be possible, at the moment.
I fear my chances of acceptance are also hindered by the fact that I have little to no volunteer experience to speak of. I hadn't decided on trying for med until about three months ago. Up until that point, I thought I was going to stay in school forever, get a Masters and PhD. So, unlike other med school applicants, I haven't been volunteering at hospitals and other various establishments to pad my application with "good-heartedness." Thus, I'm banking on my high marks both in school and on the MCAT to get me in. This is probably too wishful.
Again, you'd think all this would be motivation enough. But it's not. So what am I to do? I have seven weeks left, seven weeks that are likely more busy life-wise than the past three. Wedding, my birthday, convocation, concerts, soccer, frisbee, preparations for my trip to Ottawa.... it's daunting, to say the least. I need a kick in the pants, probably literally.
And all this hardcoreness that needs to occur will seriously hurt, possibly obliterate, my chances of finishing my summer reading list. I've completed ten percent of my list in approximately twenty-five percent of my summer. Pathetic.
Books Completed:
On Natural Selection - Charles Darwin
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone - J.K. Rowling (re-read, probably for the twelfth time)
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets - J.K. Rowling (re-read, also probably for the twelfth time)
Books to be Completed:
the remainder of the Harry Potter books (5) (all re-reads ranging from three to ten times, except the seventh, of course)
a famous "trilogy in five parts" - Douglas Adams (5) (all re-reads, for the second time)
A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket (13, but probably equates the two and a half, three books tops) *Don't judge me. I just want to see what it's all about.
Passions of the Mind - Irving Stone
The Alchemist - Paulo Coehlo
Life of Pi - Yann Martel (a re-read, for the fourth time)
1984 - George Orwell (a re-read, for the fourth time)
Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
Beatles Anthology (a partial re-read)
I like fiction. I can't seem to find a non-fiction subject that has really captured my interest to any great extent. I also like re-reading, apparently.
Anyway, I hardly need to point out that I shouldn't be blogging. It's only adding to my self-destructive plan, which is wholly unintentional yet highly inevitable.
8 Comments:
You ARE still young Krista, there will always be time to do what you want to. Don't rush through studying for the MCAT - you can reschedule if you need to, right? Best to take a little while, relax, sort out your thoughts and then buckle down to the challenge.
Speaking of challenges, great job on the reading so far!!! And your list of books still to read looks great. I've had a couple of other bloggers decide to do something similar. Head on over to my place for a visit and check it out. Look what you've started...
Krista, you know me. Therefore, you can't possibly be the laziest person you know.
If you don't do well on your MCAT (which you will), just take a year off and work and enjoy your life. Get some sweet buxx. Also do some volunteering or something. All hope is not lost. One year won't set you back. It might even help you regain some motivation.
Study hard, in any case! Bonne chance!
Karen: I don't think I have even entertained the option of rescheduling the MCAT yet again. Due to registration issues, I have already had to change my date once. It's bad enough that I have to write it in Ottawa. Well, not bad, because it'll be cool to get out of Edmonton for a change, but still. Recently I've been thinking about not applying to med schools this fall and actually doing some big volunteer hulabaloo overseas or something. But who knows....
Jasmine: Sanks! I'll take all the luck I can get. Some sweet cashbux would be nice.... I was watching some American network the other night, and was drawn in by this show "Jackpot Diaries" (or something like that). It was just all these re-enactments of people winning jackpots on various lotteries and how their winnings have changed their lives. It really made me want to win some jackpot. Sometimes it feels like an instant fortune would really help me get on with my life, sadly.
If them studies don't work out for you, you can always come to Sweden and be like.. The Ruler of Cool or something. ;)
I concur with Karen, you are young. Unfortunately life gets easier as you grow less young. It's a cliché but its true.
Ruler of cool? someone who rules or a ruler? I meant someone who rules.
The Ruler of Cool... in Sweden... I wish! Actually, I wish a lot of things, but it's rather depressing once I get thinking about them too much.
Recently, I have had many a'talk with people that are a couple of years older than me, and all, now wiser with retrospect, tell me that I really do have copious amounts of time. I have not yet realized it, but I hope I do soon.
Thanks for the comment, Bergy! It came at the most perfect time - MY BIRTHDAY!
(Also, I just got my hands on some more of The Knife.... drool... I love it.)
Well happy birthday then! The Knife rules yes.
In Sweden we sing:
Ja må hon leva,
ja må hon leva.
ja må hon leva uti hundrade år!
Ja visst ska hon leva,
ja visst ska hon leva,
ja visst ska hon leva uti hundrade år
Och när du har levat,
och när du har levat,
och när du har levat uti hundrade år,
ja då ska du skjutas,
ja då ska du skjutas,
ja då ska du skjutas på en skottkärra fram.
You'll love the translation. It goes something like this:
Here's to you living a hundred years x6
And when you've lived a hundred years x3
wait for it...
Well then we'll shoot you x2
And then we'll drag you down the road on wheelbarrow.
And people wonder why we have the highest rate of suicides in the world...
Anyway. I didn't mean to send some sort of sublime message there. We honestly sing this whenever it's someones birthday.
I guess what I'm trying to say is...Happy Birthday. :)
That is pretty much the best birthday song ever. And by best, I mean saddest... in the awesomest way possible!!! It really makes our standard "Happy Birthday to You" seem extremely ordinary.
Thanks for the Swedish birthday wishes!!!
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