If I were a hockey player.....

In response to a tag from Mr. Bergman...

Team: Edmonton Oilers (DUH!!!)

Uniform Number: 38. I used to be quite attached to this number. I don't know why. It's not even my current soccer number, nor has it been in years. But I like it.

Position: Left Wing

Nickname: Among teammates, Banjo. Why? Uhhh. Beats me, but it has a ring to it, a certain je ne sais quoi. No wait, what would a better, monosyllabic nickname be?

Dream Linemates: the Sedin twins. Not that they are favourites of mine or anything, but look what they did for Anson Carter! Plus, who could not want to play with the coolest Swedish twins ever. If not the Sedins, maybe Ales Hemsky. Possibly Joe Thornton. Pretty much anyone who will make my goal stats soar.

Rounding out the PP: Yeah... I don't even know if I'd be on the PP. I'd be more apt to appear on the PK.

Job: Defensive forward, probably on the third line. I'd like to think I'd be something like Toby Peterson. Not too flashy, but reliable. And short.

Signature Move: offensively, a killer one-time shot from close range, just like Petr Sykora; defensively, an outta nowhere stick check.

Strengths: reliable, good skater, fast hands (wink wink)

Weakness: chocolate

Injury Problems? Nope. Well, I heard females are more likely to get knee injuries than are males, but knee injuries suck, so I'd rather not have one of those. I saw this segment on CBC about Jed Ortmeyer (Buffalo Sabres) and how he had a pulmonary embolism. It made me so paranoid such that any time I have even the faintest of pains in my chest, say, after soccer, I think I am having a pulmonary embolism. So maybe that's my "injury" problem.

Equipment: skates, stick, jersey, etc. What kind of question is this? Or does it mean brand? If so... I don't know. Nike Bauer? CCM? How about every piece of equipment I wear will come from a different brand?

Nemesis: Drew Remenda. Or Peter Loubardias. Actually, either may well be my current nemesis.

Scandal Involvement: If being awesome is scandalous, I'll have scadal written all over me.

Who I'd face in the Stanley Cup Finals: I dunno.... What Eastern Conference team would I like to CRRRRUSH? Toronto, maybe? Although, it'd be a shame if they even made it that far.

What I'd do with the Stanley Cup after our victory: Recite every name engraved on the Cup, possibly in an opera voice. Why? Because I'm cool like that.

Would the media love me or hate me? I'd say they'd be pretty indifferent. I mean, I wouldn't be a league heel, that's for sure. But I probably wouldn't be a star, and thus wouldn't warrant too much mention. I might, one night, have a multiple point game and my name will flash across the highlight reels, and people will be all, "Dang, who is this girl?" But that will only last a night or two and I will return to being a virtual nobody. Once I get some tenure in the league, my name might pop up here and there, but it will probably be because of my off-ice contributions to the community, or something equally cheesy like "celebrity" poker tournaments. (Not that charity, in principle, is cheesy).