A Lesson in Self-Sabotage
Having set out to study for the MCAT, I have come to realize how truly remarkable it is that I have made it this far in my academic career, especially with such success. Seriously, I am the most lazy person I know.
The MCAT is a pretty important exam, apparently. It'll hopefully be my ticket to medical school, ideally any one of my choosing. You'd think that this FACT would be all the motivation I'd need to study. As it turns out, it's not. Not yet, at least. I am finding it impossible to get in more than six hours a day of hardcore studying. I am more easily distracted than I can remember, and I am failing to retain any substantial amount of information. It has been too long since school ended for me to try to convince myself that I'm still coming down from a high-stress semester. And yet... and yet...
I even have these huge fears that my inadequate preparation for the MCAT will have its repercussions resonate throughout the remainder of my life. Say I score embarassingly low on the MCAT. It's so low that I can't even apply to med schools with the faintest glimmer of hope. Sure, I could fork over more money and write it again, hopefully as soon as possible, but let's say my shattered confidence sends me into some downward spiral. That'll leave me with a summer spent studying for nothing, unemployed, money-less. I'll go back to school in September, not working towards another degree, hopefully employed. I can't even apply to med schools for another year. I wouldn't even get in for at least another two years. I might as well have gone for my Masters. Or PhD, even. Or found a permanent job. But no, now I'll just be hopeless, likely accruing debt, not knowing where my life is headed.
Sure, I'm young. I've got time, so "they" say. But really, do I? Shouldn't I use my youth to my advantage? Get a leg up? Stay ahead of the curve? I think I should. Or do I? I don't even know anymore. And that scares me.
Best case scenario: I get my act together, study amazingly hard for the next seven weeks, score ridiculously well on the MCAT, apply to med schools come the fall, and get accepted (somewhere) for entrance in the fall of 2008. It seems too good to be possible, at the moment.
I fear my chances of acceptance are also hindered by the fact that I have little to no volunteer experience to speak of. I hadn't decided on trying for med until about three months ago. Up until that point, I thought I was going to stay in school forever, get a Masters and PhD. So, unlike other med school applicants, I haven't been volunteering at hospitals and other various establishments to pad my application with "good-heartedness." Thus, I'm banking on my high marks both in school and on the MCAT to get me in. This is probably too wishful.
Again, you'd think all this would be motivation enough. But it's not. So what am I to do? I have seven weeks left, seven weeks that are likely more busy life-wise than the past three. Wedding, my birthday, convocation, concerts, soccer, frisbee, preparations for my trip to Ottawa.... it's daunting, to say the least. I need a kick in the pants, probably literally.
And all this hardcoreness that needs to occur will seriously hurt, possibly obliterate, my chances of finishing my summer reading list. I've completed ten percent of my list in approximately twenty-five percent of my summer. Pathetic.
Books Completed:
On Natural Selection - Charles Darwin
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone - J.K. Rowling (re-read, probably for the twelfth time)
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets - J.K. Rowling (re-read, also probably for the twelfth time)
Books to be Completed:
the remainder of the Harry Potter books (5) (all re-reads ranging from three to ten times, except the seventh, of course)
a famous "trilogy in five parts" - Douglas Adams (5) (all re-reads, for the second time)
A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket (13, but probably equates the two and a half, three books tops) *Don't judge me. I just want to see what it's all about.
Passions of the Mind - Irving Stone
The Alchemist - Paulo Coehlo
Life of Pi - Yann Martel (a re-read, for the fourth time)
1984 - George Orwell (a re-read, for the fourth time)
Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
Beatles Anthology (a partial re-read)
I like fiction. I can't seem to find a non-fiction subject that has really captured my interest to any great extent. I also like re-reading, apparently.
Anyway, I hardly need to point out that I shouldn't be blogging. It's only adding to my self-destructive plan, which is wholly unintentional yet highly inevitable.
The MCAT is a pretty important exam, apparently. It'll hopefully be my ticket to medical school, ideally any one of my choosing. You'd think that this FACT would be all the motivation I'd need to study. As it turns out, it's not. Not yet, at least. I am finding it impossible to get in more than six hours a day of hardcore studying. I am more easily distracted than I can remember, and I am failing to retain any substantial amount of information. It has been too long since school ended for me to try to convince myself that I'm still coming down from a high-stress semester. And yet... and yet...
I even have these huge fears that my inadequate preparation for the MCAT will have its repercussions resonate throughout the remainder of my life. Say I score embarassingly low on the MCAT. It's so low that I can't even apply to med schools with the faintest glimmer of hope. Sure, I could fork over more money and write it again, hopefully as soon as possible, but let's say my shattered confidence sends me into some downward spiral. That'll leave me with a summer spent studying for nothing, unemployed, money-less. I'll go back to school in September, not working towards another degree, hopefully employed. I can't even apply to med schools for another year. I wouldn't even get in for at least another two years. I might as well have gone for my Masters. Or PhD, even. Or found a permanent job. But no, now I'll just be hopeless, likely accruing debt, not knowing where my life is headed.
Sure, I'm young. I've got time, so "they" say. But really, do I? Shouldn't I use my youth to my advantage? Get a leg up? Stay ahead of the curve? I think I should. Or do I? I don't even know anymore. And that scares me.
Best case scenario: I get my act together, study amazingly hard for the next seven weeks, score ridiculously well on the MCAT, apply to med schools come the fall, and get accepted (somewhere) for entrance in the fall of 2008. It seems too good to be possible, at the moment.
I fear my chances of acceptance are also hindered by the fact that I have little to no volunteer experience to speak of. I hadn't decided on trying for med until about three months ago. Up until that point, I thought I was going to stay in school forever, get a Masters and PhD. So, unlike other med school applicants, I haven't been volunteering at hospitals and other various establishments to pad my application with "good-heartedness." Thus, I'm banking on my high marks both in school and on the MCAT to get me in. This is probably too wishful.
Again, you'd think all this would be motivation enough. But it's not. So what am I to do? I have seven weeks left, seven weeks that are likely more busy life-wise than the past three. Wedding, my birthday, convocation, concerts, soccer, frisbee, preparations for my trip to Ottawa.... it's daunting, to say the least. I need a kick in the pants, probably literally.
And all this hardcoreness that needs to occur will seriously hurt, possibly obliterate, my chances of finishing my summer reading list. I've completed ten percent of my list in approximately twenty-five percent of my summer. Pathetic.
Books Completed:
On Natural Selection - Charles Darwin
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone - J.K. Rowling (re-read, probably for the twelfth time)
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets - J.K. Rowling (re-read, also probably for the twelfth time)
Books to be Completed:
the remainder of the Harry Potter books (5) (all re-reads ranging from three to ten times, except the seventh, of course)
a famous "trilogy in five parts" - Douglas Adams (5) (all re-reads, for the second time)
A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket (13, but probably equates the two and a half, three books tops) *Don't judge me. I just want to see what it's all about.
Passions of the Mind - Irving Stone
The Alchemist - Paulo Coehlo
Life of Pi - Yann Martel (a re-read, for the fourth time)
1984 - George Orwell (a re-read, for the fourth time)
Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
Beatles Anthology (a partial re-read)
I like fiction. I can't seem to find a non-fiction subject that has really captured my interest to any great extent. I also like re-reading, apparently.
Anyway, I hardly need to point out that I shouldn't be blogging. It's only adding to my self-destructive plan, which is wholly unintentional yet highly inevitable.
