How I Spent My Summer Vacation

Ah, Labour Day! The unofficial end of summer.

I used to approach the end of the summer/the beginning of the school year with such an optimistic attitude. This, unlike January 1, was my New Year's. I could make my new academic goals, get settled into a new schedule, make other, various resolutions (which, like most, usually went unfulfilled). But things are different this year. Uncomfortably different. Yes, I am returning to school, but I'm not exactly working towards anything. My first sixteen academic years had a natural following act. My last one did not. Now everything seems forced, wrong, unnatural. Again, part of this "growing up" thing.

I suppose this uneasy feeling I have about this autumn is really exacerbated by the fact that my summer hasn't got much to show for itself. Yes, I wrote the MCAT, but studying for it occupied more than half of my summer. Yes, I vacationed for about a week and a half, but it wasn't like I was vacationing from anything. I didn't get a job as soon as I got back, and frankly, I didn't really try that hard. I slept a lot. Tutored a little. That's about it.

[By the by, I got my MCAT score back. Not bad, not great. I smoked the written section, though... surprisingly.]

I didn't even complete half of my summer reading list! My over-ambition is to blame on that one, though. I did finish the books I really wanted to, those of course comprising the Harry Potter series. I re-read it annually, and I intend to continue the tradition even now that the series is complete. I ended the summer by reading The Passions of the Mind by Irving Stone. I'm about 75% into it, now, and its completion is my first task in the Fall Reading Challenge.

The last few lazy days of my summer have been spent watching a lot of sports. FUN FUN!!! Of course, the EPL started up a few weeks ago, which means that I can, once again, cheer for my Spurs!!! They have got off to a disappointing start, and just this past Saturday they settled for a disappointing draw against Fulham. Liverpool, who has squeaked into my Numer Two Favourite spot, has been on a bit of a roll, and that's without my dearest Gerrard. Torres is looking good-ish for them. Chelsea, whom I enjoy watching but don't exactly like, have been unstoppable for a while, thereby making their loss to Aston Villa on Sunday quite unreal. The CFL is also getting to the meaty portion of its season. Of course, all the Labour Day Classics were played this weekend. My hometown Esks got off to a good start today, but lost to the hated Stamps. The main focus of my sports-watching has been the US Open. My love for tennis is rather inexplicable. I don't every really remember getting into it. I just know that I used to hate watching it when I was younger because I had no idea how the scoring worked, or even how the lines on the court worked. Right now the men are into the fourth round, and I am currently watching my Dearest Roger Federer battle Feliciano Lopez. Federer.... drool..... what a man....

I suppose I have a full autumn schedule to look forward to, though. On top of my three classes (and one lab), I'll be working at one of the University's libraries five days a week. I also plan to take on as many tutoring jobs as possible. I am also volunteering with a course, setting up microscope slides for its lab each week, and there is the possibility that I might be able to help out with another course, too. I will be playing indoor soccer (finally! I love it more than outdoor), and I have signed up for an indoor cycling class to take place every Saturday until December. I plan on playing some soccer intramurals for the month of September as well.

Plus, MORE SPORTS ON TV!!! The NFL regular season starts next Sunday... the NHL season kicks off in about a month's time.... more EPL... more CFL... it's going to be grand.

I don't really know how to end this post with some clever or sage thought. So I won't.

A Lesson in Self-Sabotage

Having set out to study for the MCAT, I have come to realize how truly remarkable it is that I have made it this far in my academic career, especially with such success. Seriously, I am the most lazy person I know.

The MCAT is a pretty important exam, apparently. It'll hopefully be my ticket to medical school, ideally any one of my choosing. You'd think that this FACT would be all the motivation I'd need to study. As it turns out, it's not. Not yet, at least. I am finding it impossible to get in more than six hours a day of hardcore studying. I am more easily distracted than I can remember, and I am failing to retain any substantial amount of information. It has been too long since school ended for me to try to convince myself that I'm still coming down from a high-stress semester. And yet... and yet...

I even have these huge fears that my inadequate preparation for the MCAT will have its repercussions resonate throughout the remainder of my life. Say I score embarassingly low on the MCAT. It's so low that I can't even apply to med schools with the faintest glimmer of hope. Sure, I could fork over more money and write it again, hopefully as soon as possible, but let's say my shattered confidence sends me into some downward spiral. That'll leave me with a summer spent studying for nothing, unemployed, money-less. I'll go back to school in September, not working towards another degree, hopefully employed. I can't even apply to med schools for another year. I wouldn't even get in for at least another two years. I might as well have gone for my Masters. Or PhD, even. Or found a permanent job. But no, now I'll just be hopeless, likely accruing debt, not knowing where my life is headed.

Sure, I'm young. I've got time, so "they" say. But really, do I? Shouldn't I use my youth to my advantage? Get a leg up? Stay ahead of the curve? I think I should. Or do I? I don't even know anymore. And that scares me.

Best case scenario: I get my act together, study amazingly hard for the next seven weeks, score ridiculously well on the MCAT, apply to med schools come the fall, and get accepted (somewhere) for entrance in the fall of 2008. It seems too good to be possible, at the moment.

I fear my chances of acceptance are also hindered by the fact that I have little to no volunteer experience to speak of. I hadn't decided on trying for med until about three months ago. Up until that point, I thought I was going to stay in school forever, get a Masters and PhD. So, unlike other med school applicants, I haven't been volunteering at hospitals and other various establishments to pad my application with "good-heartedness." Thus, I'm banking on my high marks both in school and on the MCAT to get me in. This is probably too wishful.

Again, you'd think all this would be motivation enough. But it's not. So what am I to do? I have seven weeks left, seven weeks that are likely more busy life-wise than the past three. Wedding, my birthday, convocation, concerts, soccer, frisbee, preparations for my trip to Ottawa.... it's daunting, to say the least. I need a kick in the pants, probably literally.

And all this hardcoreness that needs to occur will seriously hurt, possibly obliterate, my chances of finishing my summer reading list. I've completed ten percent of my list in approximately twenty-five percent of my summer. Pathetic.

Books Completed:
On Natural Selection - Charles Darwin
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone - J.K. Rowling (re-read, probably for the twelfth time)
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets - J.K. Rowling (re-read, also probably for the twelfth time)

Books to be Completed:
the remainder of the Harry Potter books (5) (all re-reads ranging from three to ten times, except the seventh, of course)
a famous "trilogy in five parts" - Douglas Adams (5) (all re-reads, for the second time)
A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket (13, but probably equates the two and a half, three books tops) *Don't judge me. I just want to see what it's all about.
Passions of the Mind - Irving Stone
The Alchemist - Paulo Coehlo
Life of Pi - Yann Martel (a re-read, for the fourth time)
1984 - George Orwell (a re-read, for the fourth time)
Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
Beatles Anthology (a partial re-read)

I like fiction. I can't seem to find a non-fiction subject that has really captured my interest to any great extent. I also like re-reading, apparently.

Anyway, I hardly need to point out that I shouldn't be blogging. It's only adding to my self-destructive plan, which is wholly unintentional yet highly inevitable.

Bah. Humbug!

So, I haven't been blogging with the expected, increased frequency, but it's not like it matters because no one really reads it anyway. Nevertheless, some updates:

• I baked my cake and ate it, too! Last Friday morning I received my last final grade, delighted that it was an A+. I baked my cake that night. It turned out quite horrendously, ironically - if graded, it would have undoubtedly received an F. The cut was bad, the icing was worse. But in the end, it tasted delicious and served its purpose, and that's what really matters.
• Christmas came and went. I was pretty much none the wiser. I was neither excited nor festively primed for Christmas. My family abandoned our traditional large family dinner, thereby substantially reducing my yuletide potential to pretty much nothing. I have also been generally grumpy/not happy for reasons unknown (hormones, I suppose), and rather childish, in fact. I won't go into too many details to save me from looking like a totally juvenile prat that cares not for the so-called true meaning of the holidays and Christmas, but let's just say that I didn't get what I wanted while my spoiled (and I mean spoiled) youngest sister got EVERYTHING she wanted (including an iPod and a digital camera), and then some. I know, I'm a horrible person.
• My Beloved Oilers are frustrating me beyond belief, especially with the situation in the Northwest Division. They're 2-3-0 in their last five, which sucks. Their defense (both defensemen and defensive strategy) is crumbling, which sucks. Roloson has lost his mojo, yet again (and being hung out to dry by his defense itsn't helping, either), which sucks. I've actually watched more Calgary Lames' hockey than Oilers' hockey in the past while. It was nice to see them lose to San Jose and then Vancouver two nights in a row, though the Vancouver wins certainly convoluted the Northwest standings a little more. I'll stop here, because I really could go on forever.
• As always, I am worrying about my academic future. Not only am I not excited about the coming semester (though it will theoretically be my last for the time being), I have ZERO idea of what I will do afterwards. Sometime before I return to classes I will spend an entire day researching my options, which number many. I won't even go into it now to save me from the pain of indecision.
• I have been thinking about 2007 and some resolutions.... MANY resolutions. More on them later.