Losing Touch

If you read this blog with any regularity, you will notice I haven't mentioned sports in a while (at least not in their most pure, athletic nature). When I returned to the world of blogging it wasn't my intention to ever really blog about sports... but then it was inevitable that I did - the Oilers went on their glorious playoff run and the World Cup basically took over my life. Lately, though, sports have been omitted from my life, even my participation in them. So, this post will redemptive in a way.

Hockey

After the Hurricanes won The Cup, I tried to put as much distance between myself and the aftermath as I could, partially to let time heal my wounded spirit, paritally because the off-season just isn't my thing. I mentioned it a loooong time ago: I only really like hockey on the ice. I'm not particularly interested in the business aspect of it (or of any sport, really), and with the new CBA and whatnot, there seems to be a lot more business. While I don't care for numbers and other details, the player transactions still interest me - I like to know where players are staying or headed, how teams are going to shape up for the upcoming season. Of course, I am particularly interested in how the Oilers are going to shape up, how they are going to follow last season's unexpectedly awesome performance. This is where the wheelin' and dealin' upsets me slightly. Currently it's harder for me to tell whether this new CBA is making it easier to build a franchise, or easier to deconstruct one. Opporunities easily gained are accordingly easily lost. It just seems to me that the NHL is now rental hockey with all these one- and two-year deals being signed... I don't like it. Conversely, I am ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTED that Ales Hemsky was inked for six years with the Oilers. It's an excited type of relief knowing that that sort of talent is going to mature with this club.

Eh.... I was going to write more on hockey, but I lost my train of thought. On a tangentially related note, here I am linked as a general hockey blog, and this is the first mention of hockey I have made in over a month. How embarrassing!

Football (Soccer)

I got caught up in the painful aftermath of the World Cup, but it obviously wasn't over the actual sport. I have been trying to keep myself informed on the Serie A match-fixing scandal fallout, but since I hardly get a decent chance at watching any league games during the regular season anyway, I really am not that interested.

Circumstances both within and beyond my control have resulted in me playing soccer only once in the last month. That once was less than fun as well: I had to mind the net against one of the better teams in the league when my team was short players on a hot and windy day. And with the current weather, it doesn't look like I will be playing tomorrow night.

Football (Football)

After cheering the Esks onto victory last season, I had every intention of doing the same this season. I had it all planned out: I'd watch all their games, go to a few if I could, maybe even log onto FSN for some fantasy sports fun. But that totally fell through. I bet you I don't even know their record right now. 2-3? Have they even played that many games? The only part of their season I saw was last week against the Bombers, LOSING in the most ridiculous fashion. Painful, it was.

Okay, so maybe this post was more about resignation that redemption. But I assure you I will be back on sporty form come October. The Oilers will be on the ice, European leagues will be well into their seasons, the Grey Cup will be approaching, I will be playing my beloved indoor soccer.

"Dreamer, you stupid little dreamer." - Supertramp

I'm running a little low on blogging material, so I'll return to wallow in my own abyss for the time being. Well, it's now less of an abyss and more like a really deep lake.

I've decided that this self-analysis needs some rules, some restrictions, some simplification.

Rule #1: No daydreaming.

It have made it a habit to daydream, to think up different ways I could live or change my life to be happier, more satisfied. Well, I have decided this is too dangerous. It imprisons me in a false reality. I've realized that just because I can think something up doesn't make it possible, and I can't want something badly enough to make it happen. Although this rule is going to be nearly impossible to implement, the least I can do is to put less effort and less belief into daydreaming.

Rule #2: Think ahead, but not too far.

As an example, I've been thinking that maybe this whole grad school dilemma is a little premature. Now, that might be a little counter-intuitive considering I am on the verge of completing a bachelor's degree - wouldn't it be the best time to think about grad school? In a mini-epiphany I've figured that schools will always be there and I will always have (by this time next summer) a bachelor's degree. So why waste my time forcing life into happening when I could be letting it happen, living it? Maybe by this time next year I'll be preparing for grad school, maybe I won't. I'm just going to wait it out. Things change. People change. I might not even want to go to grad school after all. So, I have resolved to think of the immediate future, only a couple months in advance. After all, if I think too far ahead, I'm apt to daydream.

Rule #3: Eyes on the prize.

Now, this whole "go with the flow" philosophy might be a danger in itself - I don't want to become ambitionless, meandering, an aimless twit threatening to go nowhere. Eventually I would love to put "PhD" at the end of my name, I'd love to have money, to travel, to start a family.... I just have to keep those goals in the back of my mind. Ultimately, I want to be happy, and in order to be happy now, I should be living in The Now.

It actually took me a long time to write this. Off and on I have added and modified little bits. It's still just a bit of self-indulgent bosh, though.

La Fin de l'Affaire Zizou

According to the BBC:

Zinedine Zidane has been banned for three games and fined £3,260 for head-butting Italy's Marco Materazzi during the World Cup final.

Following an investigation by world governing body Fifa, Materazzi was suspended for two games and fined £2,170 for provoking Zidane.

A Fifa statement said: "Both players stressed Materazzi's comments had been defamatory but not of a racist nature."

Zidane's ban is academic as he retired from football after the finals.

However the 34-year-old will instead work with football's world governing body Fifa for three days.

Fifa added: "Zinedine Zidane has agreed to do community service work with children and youngsters.

"During the course of their hearings both players also apologised to Fifa for their inappropriate behaviour and expressed their regret at the incident."

Zidane spent 90 minutes at a private hearing on Thursday, while Materazzi appeared before the Fifa panel on 14 July.

Playing in the last game of his career, Zidane snapped during extra time of the World Cup final.

The Frenchman later claimed Materazzi had insulted his mother and his sister.

However, Materazzi maintained his comments were not "racist, religious, or political" and he added: "I also said nothing about his mother."

Despite the incident, Zidane went on to win the Golden Ball for the tournament's best player and despite suggestions to the contrary, Fifa has confirmed the Frenchman will be allowed to keep the award.

"It wasn't even discussed at the meeting," said Fifa spokesman Andreas Herren.

Materazzi's suspension will keep him out of Italy's opening two Euro 2008 qualifiers against Lithuania on 2 September and France on 6 September.

Will we ever know exactly what Materazzi had said? Probably not, but at least we know it wasn't racist. While it's "nice" to see justice being served to both parties, I'm still having qualms with Materazzi's fine and suspension, referring back to the Totti-Poulsen spitting incident. Then again, maybe this will act as a deterrent, warning players that provocation is now a punishable offense. Ultimately, I'm still diappointed with Zizou.

L'Affaire Zizou

Sorry. Back to the World Cup, again.

It's not going to be easy to remember World Cup 2006 as the great tournament it was with L'Affair Zizou hanging over its finale. My initial reactions were of disbelief, disgust, and disappointment (in that particular order). Now that the details are beginning to emerge, I'm having trouble reconciling just how I feel.

Ultimately and obviously, it was a display of poor sportsmanship by Zidane, provoked or not. Accordingly, it was a terrible way to end a beautiful career. But now that Materazzi admits that he insulted Zidane, are we supposed to sympathize with the football hero? I guess that depends on the nature of the insult, a veritable hotbed of speculation without confirmation. While Zidane claims it concerned his mother and sister, Materazzi denies this, claiming that, to him, the mother is sacred (having lost his own at a young age). Materazzi also denies calling Zidane a terrorist, apparently not knowing what a terrorist is. Will we ever know the truth? Maybe. There is a hearing scheduled for July 20. Will it all unfold then?

There has been an investigation opened against Materazzi. This is where I start to have mixed feelings. My reasons are these:

1. I am fundamentally opposed to the investigation being opened. Materazzi's agent hit the nail on the head when he referred to the Totti spitting incident of Euro 2004. Long story short, Totti spits at Poulsen, Totti gets suspended for three games. Totti didn't spit at Poulsen for no reason, so why wasn't an investigation opened against him? Is FIFA setting a double standard?
   
2. If, hypothetically, Materazzi did not mention Zidane's mother and/or sister, nor called Zidane a terrorist, and simply used a standard, run-of-the-mill insult, has he not acted like 99% (a hypothetical figure) of all the other players, only to be unexpectedly given a head-butt in return? Yes, methinks.
   
3. If, hypothetically, Materazzi mentioned the word "terrorist" and any other racially- or religiously-related insults, is he more than a victim? Yes, methinks. FIFA thinks so, too. Sepp Blatter, FIFA president, is attempting to extinguish the rampant racism in soccer. As reported by the BBC, "If the verdict is that the Italian is found to have been racist he could be fined £4,400 and suspended for five matches." That's fair, within the regulations and whatnot. However, Zizou, although a victim of Materazzi's crime, is still not innocent of his own.
   

It's difficult to separate a reaction to a hypothesis and a reaction to a fact. If I subscribe to the hypothesis that Materazzi committed an act of racism, then yes, I feel for Zidane and Materazzi then looks like less of a victim and more of a villain. But, if I simply accept the fact that the actual dialogue that led to the head-butt has not yet been confirmed, then all I can say is that Zidane was unsportsmanlike in his reaction to whatever Materazzi had said according to the rules set-out by FIFA and enforced by the referees.

Sorting out a stance on this is really a philosophical battle. First, I have to free myself from the shackles of the omnipotent dichotomy of good and evil. I want to think "he's guilty and he's innocent," but maybe they are each a bit of both. Additionally, it's hard to put shade on the golden light that Zizou has forever been emitting in my mind; he couldn't possibly be capable of such filth, could he? On the same token, it's hard to accept that this Materazzi character I have known of since the middle of June, as really only highly instrumental in My Dearest Zizou's undignified exit, can have any of the same glorious virtues as him; he must be evil, yes?

Secondly, I have to ask myself, "when is The Game no longer The Game?" When is it the real world, and not a match of soccer? Is it always straddling the line between the two? What rules apply when and where? When did their exchange become between two men rather than between two footballers? Why isn't the red card enough resolution?

So, I suppose my conclusion is inconclusive. (<--I think that's a double entendre)

Snowballin' in July

Now that the World Cup is over, I can return to the real purpose of blogging: soul-searching. So consider yourself warned - this post is going to be long and cerebral, probably boring and mostly for my own good.

Lately I have been a bit angsty. Not quite emo (I haven't yet written bad poetry or cut myself). I think the root of this angst is academic in nature: grad school. First off, am I going to go? I think I want to and my gut says yes. So where am I going to go? The UofA seems a logical choice, considering I know the school and live here and all. But I've been thinking that I might want a bit of change, and have thus been looking at schools in the UK and Australia. A select few of them offer a taught Masters degree that lasts one year and is quite thorough, walking one through scientific writing and medical statistics among other things, and research project at the end. See, although I've worked very hard on my undergrad, I somehow think I might not be ready to plunge into research by the end of it. This degree seems like a nice preparation and transition. And it's only a year! I could have a Masters by the time I'm freshly 22 (should I plunge right into my Masters).

Okay, so say that I am all gung ho about going to the UK for a year. How the heck am I going to finance that? My parents have always said that they will pay for my first degree (with the exception of my first year, which was covered by scholarships), but that I would be on my own for subsequent degrees. I'd obviously have to work, but it would take at least a year to accumulate the estimated $50,000+. Would I want to take on the burden of a loan? Could I get more scholarships? Should I start playing the lottery? (I realize that I am being a bit of a nitwit here, considering I am currently unemployed).

Then there's the whole application process. This doesn't seem like something to be taken lightly. I'm pretty sure my grades will be okay, but what about the other things they might be looking for, things that other applicants might have that'll give them The Edge - research experience, published research, good academic connections and references. I think I have a year of schmoozin' and hob-knobbin' ahead of me.

This angst is potentiated by the fact that I have a beast of a year to get through before the possibility of graduate studies. I'm usually itching to get back to school about this time of year, wanting to learn and immerse myself in purpose. But not this year. Oh no. While it will be nice to get back into a routine, I am not excited about all the learning - or attempts at learning - to come. Because I was a bit of a doddler in my first two years, I have the core of my program crammed into my final year. It's going to be tough.

Alas, this angst starts to permeate beyond the topic at hand, hence the title of this post. It makes you start to question your life and where it's headed. You start asking yourself, over and over again, a string of hardcore questions, and you can never seem to give yourself a straight answer. Am I ready for this? Is this really what I want to do? What else could I be doing? Is it too late to make a change? If I were to change, to what might it be? Oooh, that one's the killer. It really gets you thinking.... So, here are five other paths (in no particular order) I could be pursuing as fervently as my current :

1. Multimedia artist: I'm not a bad drawer/painter/what have you. I'd be better if I had more training and practiced more. I have always loved painting (oil and acryllic, water colour not so much), and I am currently starting to fall in love with photography. Would I love being an artist? Yes. Is it as lucrative as I would like it to be? Potentially not.
2. Writer: I used to love to write when I was in elementary school. In the sixth grade I wrote a 32-page, hand-written, single-spaced, dragon slayer story. It had allusions and played with archetypes and everything. In junior high school I picked up a knack for writing poems. It's not until about high school that my brain made a switch into science-mode and my writing skills went on the decline. I went through a rebuilding stage during English 101, and now I think that, with a bit more practice, I could be a decent writer (probably of non-fiction).
   
3. Chef: I was making scrambled eggs at the age of three, Kraft Dinner and hot dogs at the age of four, pot roast dinners at the age of nine. I like to cook. I like to watch others cook. I like to eat! My paternal grandparents were restaurant-owners once upon a time. My dad is a pretty good cook. It might just be in my blood.
   
4. Chemical engineer: I once had what I thought was an undying love for chemistry. I slaughtered high school chemistry, and I was going to become an engineer because of it. But then I didn't. This love started to taper off after CHEM 101/102 and was virtually gone by the time I took CHEM 261/263. If I had pursued it earlier I think I would've loved it, though.
   
5. Medical Doctor: Until about the time I was eight and decided that I wanted to be a lawyer, I wanted to be a doctor. It's not entirely out of the question at this stage of the game, either. I just don't know if I could handle the pressure.

And then sets in the depression as I start to like these other prospects more than my current choice. This depression, of course, creeps about and makes me start to like the ways I want to be more than the ways I currently am. I won't go into the horrifying details, but suffice to say that I feel worse and the end of it all because I don't do anything about it. What's more, I start to feel selfish because here I am, my biggest worries in life concerning an education that most of the world will never see; I'm not ill, not starving, not war-ravaged. Then I wonder if I am just a horrible person.

There is hope for an angst-free existence, though. I am currently building up some inspiration for change, sparked by a few words from Australian musician Ben Lee: "Awake is the new sleep, so wake up and do it - whatever it is."

(I'll soon return to something a little less self-indulgent like the whole Zizou thing, or my quest for a new camera.)

The Day Zizou Broke My Heart

Why? WHY?!?!?! The French shootout loss was more tolerable after the knife was unnecessarily twisted by Zizou and his uncharacteristic classlessness. I just can't believe it. What a disgrace, a smudge on a wonderful career.

Kudos to Italy, though. It just wasn't in the stars for Les Bleus.

The End

ALLEZ LES BLEUS!!!

Hmmmm...

Did I mention that I was predicting the losers of each quarterfinal? Ha ha...hmmm...oh.

Okay, so I went 0-4. But two of the four matches were extremely close. Interestingly, it turned out that I actually kind of like England after all (that is easier to say now that they are out, though). Kudos to them for staving off elimination with only ten men. Once the match edged nearer to the shoot-out I knew they were doomed, though. Ricardo is just too good under pressure.


And HOORAH FRANCE!! My doubt worked again. They won. They beat Brazil. Now I am superstitiously afraid to profess my support for them. They face Portugal, who I am no longer that fond of. I am back to pretty much hating Cristiano Ronaldo, and, for some reason, Figo just isn't doing it for me.

So, shall I put my prediction skills (or lack thereof) to the test yet again? I think so:
Germany - Italy
Portugal - France *

*Here's hoping this doesn't backfire.

On a completely unrelated note, here are some Italian footballers in designer undawears (click the frosty - or steamy - background images for a better look).

Also, today is Canada Day. I don't think I am unpatriotic, but Canada Day is meaningless to me - unless enjoying fireworks means something. Happy 139th nonetheless!